Saturday, January 15, 2011

What is it about this time that I can’t quite explain?

What is it about this time that I can’t quite explain?  Me, the girl with a thousand words who just simply cannot organize the sounds to make the situation clearer.  This time in my life is so unclear.  This time is like being kidnapped by the traveling circus and told I will be the one who is tied to a board while a skilled knife-thrower pops the balloons that line my head.  The balloons represent Real Estate and the knife throwers are the seasoned mentors who tell me everything is going to be O.K. if I just keep looking straight on.  As my anxiety mounts I press them harder for answers, I want the reassurance (that for the first time in my life) they cannot give to me. I want them to say the knives are fake, that things will get better and to tell me exactly when it [the market] will be better….but then the snake charmers show up and side track my mentors.  I am left tied to a board, squirming for release but knowing that things outside of the tent are even worse.  I am the product of both rosy 1950’s optimism and a 1980’s (unfettered) desire for things.  I am an American… a person who was raised in luxury and positivity during a time when anything seemed possible.  My republican parents kept me sheltered from all things harmful; I thought everyone just put in an order on their birthday and were consequently delivered a beautiful cake surrounded by stacks of presents.   Dad, ever he entrepreneur, buying and selling real estate, buying and selling small businesses ~ his spark and desire for capitalism and invention were unstoppable.  I saw that the sky was the limit from him and he never uttered the words CAN’T!  Mom was the quintessential housewife who dreamed big and used her impeccable standards to create the Norman Rockwell postcard family & life.  My sister and I joke about our association to a certain household cleaner as being a fond fragrant memory of childhood because every day we would arrive home at 4:00 to a showroom house and the strong scent of pine.  You see I was born into optimism and have not left its soft cradle since.  I don’t know how to not see the bright side and I don’t know how to think as though there is a limited resource of what we can have or do.  Scarcity thinking is all around me now and I am unsure of where to file it.  I am unsure of who to laugh with and what to cry for.  The best thing that has come out of this weird uncertainty is the daily exercise of living in the moment.  Yesterday I lost a deal, but by late afternoon 3 more hugely promising opportunities that had made themselves known.  The roller coaster is either way up or in a gut-wrenching dip and this daily existence has taught me to hold on tight, squeeze my eyes hard and scream until I cry… then scream until I laugh and (sometimes) scream until I fall out from exhaustion. What is it about this time that I can’t quite explain?     Hmmm, go ahead and ask one of my hypnotized mentors and then get back with me please.

Lisa Ekanger Your Hometown Realtor!

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