Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Where have I been, you ask?

Where have I been, you ask?  How come you don’t hear from me anymore?  Truthfully I am not sure what has come over me.  I don’t know why I have lost interest in you.  Like the Oprah Winfrey Show, somewhere along the line I just hit my limit and now I have no feelings about you one way or another.    I believe that this is a positive thing ~ it means that I am absolutely living in the moment. Not looking to rehash the past, not looking to dream about the future.  Just looking around at now and trying to decide if tonight is more of a beer or chocolate evening. Lying on my HUGE California King (I can hear it in my head the way Arnold S. would say it) I am in my own version of a perfectly contented living heaven. Egyptian cotton sheets, goose down pillows on a tempurpedic mattress overrated?  Never! What I do know is that I am learning about myself (at midlife) at warp speed.  The process is heavy, time consuming and overshadows all other things right now.  The gravity of time has finally taken its tablet and chisel to my brain and I’m afraid friend there is no turning back.  I can’t turn back to the days of idleness and mindless chatter about everything under the sun….back to the days of gossip and shallow endeavors that used to include decorating, entertaining and shopping among other things.  I’m here and you’re there; the divide cannot be traversed.  I am not interested in your life any longer…and honestly, I am not sorry about this fact.  I’m avoiding you because, how do I say this to you? How do I say this to each and every one of you? You cannot keep my attention anymore. After nearly 25 years of marriage, I seriously don’t want to talk about men ~ not for even one more second! (I don’t want to talk about mine and I am even less interested in talking about yours!) and after more than two decades of parenting, I am not interested in talking about my kids either.  I don’t want to hear about yours either.  So what does this leave us?  Where does this leave us?  I know where it leaves me.  I am engrossed in my loves: hanging out with my family, reading, writing, listening to music, meditation, real estate investing, gardening, cooking, antique hunting, baking (and eating) cakes and dreaming of the day when my boat will set sail on a more leisurely course.  I see the veins on the backs of my hands bulging more, I see that my hair is getting thinner and I feel the sting in my feet for a least an hour (every night) after I elevate them.  I know where I am headed and the path is clearer than ever. I know I cannot change the past nor can I dictate the future.  My life is right here and right now and what I have learned about me at the half way point is that I am my own best friend and when it comes to my time, I don’t like to share.
Lisa Ekanger Your Hometown Realtor!

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