What I believe is how I do. These “unconventional rules of life” guide why and how I live my life.
It’s not about the success of one business or idea, it’s about the success of you. You are not defined by one project or idea or experience. Failure is not a stigma. It’s okay to fail. If no one is responding to what you’re doing and you feel no progress, that might be an indication that you should move on to something else or take a new approach to what you’re already doing.
Define success as you see fit. You don’t have to define success according to how others do. For me, I want to feel fulfilled, I want to eliminate unhappiness in my life, and I want to experience ease, flow, purpose and progress every day. That’s it. How do you define success?
Eliminate haters. If someone is hating or bringing me down, I immediately cut them out of my life. If someone lifts me up and makes me feel alive, I bring them closer. But I never, ever, get close to those who bring me down. I cut them, wish them well, and carry on. I rarely, if ever, provide an explanation. Explaining is draining. (I went through a period where I was obsessed with explaining and trying to help people understand where I was coming from. I thought it was the good and honest thing to do. In the end, this exhausted me and them.) Letting go and moving on is one of the most important rules I’ve implemented in my life.
If you want the world you envision, create the self you envision. We don’t get what we want by focusing on external rewards and validation from other people. We get what we want and we achieve success by replacing negative habits with positive ones, eliminating unhappiness from our lives, and working toward things that we feel matter. If you were the best version of yourself, how would you behave? Start there.
Create what you’d use. Whether it’s a product, experience, piece of content, program, or whatever, create things that you want and would actually use. If you wouldn’t use it, or aren’t sure if you’d use it, then don’t create it.
Know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Keep asking yourself “Why?” until you get to the core of why you’re really doing what you’re doing. For example, I committed to writing twice a week because I wanted to put out ongoing content that’s valuable. I wanted to address the same questions that I get through email in a public forum. I wanted to prepare myself for the book I’ll likely write within the next year. I wanted to share bits and pieces of my journey in hope that they’ll enable more people to eliminate unhappiness from their lives and act on what matters. I want to enable more people to do this because then we’ll change our behaviors and the world. Why do you do the things you do?
Never do anything you don’t want to do. Hell yes or no. If you don’t want to do it, be honest (without being hurtful), and carry on with what you do want to do. Doing things that you don’t want to do because you’re trying to be nice or trying to please will actually hurt you and them in the long-run.
Be really effing honest. On that note, always be really effing honest. Whether you’re breaking up with a company, ending a romance with someone who’s just not right for you, or telling someone how you really feel, save time by keeping it real and being honest. It might suck at first but ultimately, it’s better for you and better for them. Life brings you beautiful things when you’re honest with yourself and others.
Listen to your body. When I’m heading away from the work that I’m meant to be doing, my body reacts. For a few years, I was allergic to cream. When I made a significant move and change in my life, I suddenly dropped that allergy. Your body sometimes knows more than you do.
Life is an experiment. It is only an experiment. When I think of life as an experiment, it removes the emotion and makes taking action easier. When I’m being bombarded with challenges, responsibilities, even overwhelming hurdles, when I look at it like an experiment, I realize that just rising above is an opportunity to learn, grow, and succeed. Maintaining this perspective helps me look forward to the challenging moments. It helps me have more fun, try things just to find answers, and not take life so damn seriously.
Create your own rules. What works for me may not work for you. What works for you may not work for me. Break rules that don’t matter to you and instead create your own. Give yourself permission to create a life on your own terms. You don’t need the approval or support of your parents or close friends if it’s not aligned with what you know you need to do. Just start.
Hey, I'm Amber
Imagine a world without a speed limit.
Where human potential is not governed by what we're told to be, the only fear is not giving enough, and the urge to share your gift cannot be restricted.
This is the world I'm creating. One person and story at a time, backed by an unwavering mission.
It takes guts. Heart. And finding purpose through asking Why? Be inspired and follow the journey twice a week.
In the last 365 days I said Hell Yes to: Working with Seth Godin to launch the Domino Project, helping Derek Sivers make his book a best-seller, speaking at TEDxCMU on The Art of Being Unreasonable, and launching a program where I help people give their dreams direction.
This is an adventure. It's only the beginning. Let's make it amazing.
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