Saturday, April 23, 2011
On earth day, I ran out of fuel.
Yesterday was Earth Day, and really what does that mean to me? To be honest, I completely forgot about it until a co-worker mentioned that Starbucks was giving out free coffee all day if I bring in my own receptacle. I personally do not like Starbucks so I didn’t even attempt to be green so as to play along with the brilliant marketing plan of an already massively profitable company. The first Earth Day of any importance to me was when Levi was just 6 weeks old; I bought him a tiny little shirt with all of the endangered species of the time, it said Earth Day 1990. The company I worked for (at the time) was unveiling a new line of skincare products that came in refillable aluminum cans, that concept/company lasted about a year before it went extinct. So what does this have to do with me running out of fuel? Bear with me my friend; I am weaving a story for you. How did I run out of fuel on Earth day you ask? I ran out of steam, out of energy, out of personal chutzpa that’s what I mean. My day started like any other, a monotonous march through the morning; one of checks and rechecks to make sure everyone was equipped to start the day. I actually felt pretty good considering the dental trauma I had experienced just a few days earlier. I was over the physical pain of the dental incident, I was over the sticker shock too, but I haven’t grieved the loss of my tooth. And so begins the beginning of the second half of life, dealing with lack of energy (and lack of interest) and more importantly, developing the coping skills to maneuver these battlefields. I arrived to work early to put the final touches on an offer when I received a call from my client asking me to cancel the whole deal. Me:”What? Why?” Apparently I didn’t hustle the way they had hoped I would by putting in an offer (on a foreclosure) on a Monday and having it neatly wrapped for delivery by Friday of the same week. The client (who always puts his wife on the phone to do the hard negotiating) told me that they didn’t think I worked hard enough on their behalf. Wow, really? Do you think you are the only client I have? I patiently listened as the real truth came out, they had credit issues and money issues and she couldn’t stop talking about the graduation party she has to plan with nearly no money and now ~ thanks to my laziness ~ no house too. Lazy. Lazy? L A Z Y! ~ What a short little innocuous word. Why was I so offended? No time to dwell on this, I told myself. Go to the next task. NEXT! The very next encounter was with a co-worker who decided it was time to tell me the “truth” about how I am perceived by others. Others are the people who do the same job as me and make up the committees and board at the market center. He said, “Some days you seem to come from a place of contribution and other times you seem to have a calculated agenda…the so-called “others” cannot trust you because of this, they don’t know your intentions.” Now I could feel the blood draining from my head. The first interaction of the day was just a needle prick; this face to face was a bone marrow draw. Energy: going, going, gone. There were other things said too. Things that I cannot repeat because they are too painful to write…as my ability to compose my thoughts ran down my veins like water draining from a bathtub, I could hear my own thoughts saying, “Wherever you go you are not appreciated.” For a moment I had to choke back the tears and I said, “I work harder than anyone I know.” I bust my ass for my family, friends, clients, co-workers, neighbors and charities. If you knew me at all, you would know that I would go to the end of the earth to get the results that they desire. And there it was on earth day. The answer to my lack of energy. The reason I have run out of fuel is because I have literally gone to the end of the earth on one tank. I didn’t allow myself to refuel. I created this pollution and now it was time to step back and stand still like a silent mighty tree. Stand still and conserve my energy, stand still and let the four winds guide me. I must recharge, because after all, I am a nonrenewable resource.Lisa Ekanger Your Hometown Realtor!
Posted by Lisa Ekanger at 7:55 AM