Have you ever met someone who you hit it off so well right from the start, you were sure they were the “one?” And then it ended. And you were not only heartbroken, but shocked because it seemed so right and you don’t understand what went wrong?
What I have seen over and over again with clients is that they meet someone who has all the qualities that they have dreamed about and they are so happy when they are with that person. And then the person goes away – and sometimes in dramatic, uncontrollable or unchangeable circumstances: abrupt break-ups for no known reason, people all of a sudden being deported, coming out of the closet, being transferred to another city suddenly and so on. It almost feels like the person is literally being pulled away. Well they kind of are – and for a good reason, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Why does a relationship that feels so right end? So that you can truly see what is so amazingly “right” about you.
First, no one is the “one” because everyone is the one. Every single person you have a relationship with (and I don’t just mean romantically) is a soul mate because they are teaching your soul lessons. We all are mirrors and teachers for each other to learn our life curriculum. Next, just as people are here to teach us where we have judgments and unresolved issues, they are also here to illuminate what is so amazing about ourselves that we are not acknowledging, owning and experiencing.
If you have been with someone you thought was the one, you probably found certain qualities about him or her incredibly attractive. You also may have said, “He brought out the best in me!” Exactly. He or she did bring out the best of you, but it’s YOUR job to keep it going. They fulfilled their spiritual agreement with you by attracting you with their awesome qualities to reflect to you what you are not seeing about yourself. And by triggering the best inside of you so you could have the experience of your awesomeness. But it wasn’t their job to stay.
Often the Uni-verse “reassigns” a person to support you in fully integrating what they were reflecting and/or catalyzing inside of you (and protects you from a co-dependent relationship). For example, if you were really attracted to their confidence and drive, one of their gifts to you was to inspire you to reconnect with your confidence and drive. We cannot see in another what we don't have inside ourselves. If you feel like the person brought out a quality of yours like creativity, you are incorrect. They merely triggered what has been dormant inside of you. No one else can make us anything that we aren’t already.
If the person was still there, you would not be motivated to be the things you miss about them. If the person had stayed, you would have always attributed the best you that you felt around to them instead of you.
I understand that nothing feels quite as devastating as not being able to be with the one you thought was the “one.” But this is just short-term devastation. What would be devastating long-term is never truly integrating the amazing qualities you saw or experienced.
Remember, the purpose of any relationship is for our learning and evolution. It is not to be together forever, make us happy, or fulfill any void in our lives (despite what the romantic comedies like to sell us on). I encourage you to move through the pain and get to the PURPOSE of your relationship. Begin to see how it served you.
Trust that even though the physical presence of a person may not be there, the qualities you loved about them belong to YOU. What you love about them are inside YOU. You can never lose them.
You bring out the best in you. It’s there. Stop looking for it in the eyes or arms of another. And when you bring out the best in you – then you will be able to share it with someone who brings out the best in themselves, too. And instead of having the kind of relationship where two people are looking at each other and wondering “are you the one?”, you will both be your best selves looking in same one direction.
Lisa Ekanger Your Hometown Realtor!