Friday, July 18, 2014

Recently, a friend of mine told me, "I'm lonely."

It was a little strange because I thought to myself, "Wait! You're talking too me right now!" What does that say about me and my company? I said, "No you are not lonely and I refuse to hear it." The reason I refused to hear it is because we are trained to believe that loneliness is a state that is hard to break. That once in it, it is very hard to reverse. Loneliness is simply your instincts telling you that you crave more than you have. My friend has a spouse and two adoring children, not to mention lots of friends and relatives too. So what is the craving for? The desire or 'craving' is for new experiences, a new discussion and a new understanding. My friend is growing, changing, evolving and with growth comes painful realizations about what you want for your future. Ask yourself, will I continue to evolve to be the best that I can be in the current relationships I have? The answer is yes. You can train people to give you what you need emotionally. Why is it that when we get married, one person is supposed to supply everything to you? I think that's terribly unfair and quite honestly, terribly unrealistic too. I cant stand hearing, I married my best friend. No! You are your own best friend! You welcomed a VIP into your world and the relationship will be deep and satisfying, but make no mistake a spouse cannot be everything for you. Two half's don't make a whole, in marriages, two wholes make a whole. When you feel yourself breaking through on goals that you have set for yourself, when you look in the mirror one day and say, "Well hello there, I don't think we've met!" Then you know you are in the zone. The zone of being comfortable with discomfort. There is the old Lisa who would have complained when others didn't change their ways at the rate I did....or wanted them to. Now there is the 'new' Lisa who understands that everyone in my life is on their own timeline of growth and expecting them to meet me 1/2 (on my terms) is not always going to happen. When a person that is close to you suddenly feels as far as the moon, its because of what you are manufacturing in your head. Your thoughts become your feelings. You meet amazing people and instead of just living in the moment and soaking up all of the great ideas (and emotions) they bring to you, you fall back into the habit of comparing. If my spouse were just more playful, then I wouldn't be so lonely. If my son would just take an interest in wood-working, I could teach him everything I know! We would be busy building all kinds of cool stuff and ...yep you guessed it, "I wouldn't be so lonely" Like aches and pains in your body, your mind has aches and pains too. Loneliness is one of those pains. Your brain is begging for novelty! Its doing what it needs to do to stay vibrant and alive! Novelty can be found in a million different ways. This Kind Journey Blog is one of those ways for me. Since I started this blog in 2010, I have been going out of my way to meet new people, make new friends and really enjoy their unique personalities. It has been reported that social media has made people lonelier because they just talk online instead of actually doing things. If that's true, then I would like to offer up my experience of using the social media tools; I love them. I get to know people and then I propose a get together! I have met so many amazing people in my profession and other areas too. I have connected with old friends which has added another rich layer of flavor to my life. I once thought I was lonely too. I lived in the Arctic Circle in 1995/1996. I left my family, my country, my friends, my home, my neighborhood, my job, my car, my things, my language, my food, my comfort zone. I wandered around a lot by myself. My huge family of in-laws were trying so hard to help me transition, but I wasn't in a psychological place where I would allow that to happen. Instead, I went to my 4 hour immersion language class every day and looked at a bunch of other foreign nationals who couldn't speak the language either. I judged them in every way. I was in my 20's and really immature. I would walk around after class feeling sorry for myself...looking for that 'thing' that would fill the hole of my loneliness. I never did find it there. Not even at the bakery! Nearly 20 years have passed and the rate at which I meet new people is coming in closer and closer intervals, and I love it! My life is richer and so wonderful, I have to pinch myself sometimes. I feel loved from the moment I awake, until the moment my head hits the pillow. I will be honest, there are those really rare days when someone tries to spread their nasty on me. I do my best to quickly take out my nasty repellent...sometimes I am successful,, sometimes I am not. I am sensitive. I sometimes shed a tear or two, but I don't let them control me for very long. I heard it said once, you cant control your first thought, but you can control your second! Even on my very worst days, I look for laughter and light. Laughter and Light...its all around you my friend. Keep living with an open heart and you will never be alone. I promise:-) XOXO Lisa lone·ly [lohn-lee] 1.affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome. 2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile. 3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless. 4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road. 5. standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower. Lisa Ekanger

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