The past is neutral and you don’t really reach back there any longer…

For several weeks now, I have wanted to write a blog entry about marriage. Not just any marriage, but a long marriage. What does it take to have a long successful marriage? The question should instead be, “What is Love?” As the years pass, I see more clearly what love really is….or I guess more accurately (like a medical Dr. rules out disease) what it is not. Love is not a place for you to build your fantasies hoping one day another person will make them come true….but within a team framework (and with clearly defined goals) dreams can be realized. Love is not a feeling. Love is not a destination, not a safe place and not certainly not predictable. Love is a choice. Yes, love is a choice you make each and every day when you are in a long marriage. I can hear you now, “Define long marriage.” 25+ years is a long marriage. I chose 25 because I am recalling the stages of my own marriage and it was right around the 25th mark when I realized that love is just like the earth when it tilts, moves, and shifts and rotates, but make no mistake, it is on its permanent axis and there it shall stay forevermore. Marriage needs to be developed like the chants of a Buddhist monk. At first they are raw, quiet and confusing, but as time leaves it mark the relationship becomes thoughtful, disciplined, steady and clear. There is a new reality that sets in when you see the bend in your life ~ which is more of your life behind you than in front of you. You understand that each day is to be treated as a unique compartment…a place with a ceiling and a floor and two walls. Within this box lies your intentions and only you can see them. Only you dispense them and only your partner receives them. They are private now whereas before they were not. You do not complain about the issues of the past, the irritations and the disappointments. The past is neutral and you don’t really reach back there any longer…and the joys are back there too. You are at total peace and you risk leaving them all behind because you know that your only focus, your laser beam focus is to enjoy just this one day with the one person you chose to love. Lisa Ekanger