Friday, August 31, 2012

"Does People Pleasing Make You Happy? Take The TEST And Find Out!"

How many times have you said, “Yes” to someone when you’ve wanted to say, “No”?
I’ve often had a gut feeling that I needed to do something a particular way, and then someone has suggested I do it another way and followed their guidance only to feel frustrated afterwards, realizing that my first instinct was the best course of action.
Earlier today I was at the Getty Museum with my family for a children’s concert. I could see my three-year-old son was getting tired as he hadn’t taken a nap. As we sat on the beautiful emerald green lawn, my intuition said, “Stay close to Dominick, he’s tired.”
“I better go be with Dominick to be safe,” I said to a family friend.
“He should be fine, there’s lot of kids running around and it’s a nice big grassy area,” she said.
I thought to myself, she’s probably right, she’s had two kids, I don’t want to be the over-protective mom, so I sat on the blanket and went against my instinct.
A few minutes later, Dominick ran down the lawn and couldn’t slow down. We didn’t see the height of the wall, even though there was a line of flags hanging to prevent kids from jumping from the grass onto the concrete. My heart dropped into my stomach as Dominick fell almost three feet off the wall onto the hard ground. The security-guard who was meant to be stationed there, wasn’t.
My mind flashed to spending the rest of the afternoon in the E.R. I was terrified. My husband Nick leapt over the barrier and scooped up Dominick. I couldn’t believe he was okay, apart from some light scrapes on his hands and knees. “Thank you angels,” I whispered to myself.
I didn’t want to be the mom who pushed back. I wanted to do what I thought was the polite and respectful thing to do. I didn’t want to seem like I was paranoid and overreacting.
I was reminded that in my desire to be loved and accepted that I was doing something to make someone else happy.
The most important question to ask yourself is, “Am I feeling intuition or fear?”
It is much easier to see clearly for someone else when you have no emotional attachment to the outcome. However, if you have strong feelings or are fearful about how things could turn out, it will be very difficult for you to clearly evaluate whether you are being guided by your intuition or driven by fear.
One of the most common questions I get asked is, “Should I stay in this relationship or end it?”
Over and over again, I see that the person asking the question already knows the best course of action to take, but they don’t want to hurt the other person, even though it is hurting them by not making a decision.
When I was in my dating days, I found the more friends I talked to about my confused feelings and asked for their advice, the worse I felt. I didn’t have the confidence to make a choice because I feared making a mistake.
I’ve learned that failure is the road to success. If I hadn’t gone through my dating nightmares, then I wouldn’t have been ready for my lovely husband.
When I used to give dating advice on my TV show in the U.K. I was secretly confused over guys. I felt like such a failure, but I later learned that I wasn’t confused, I had very low self esteem.
Here is a mini-quiz for you to see if you have a habit of people pleasing?
1. You’ve been looking forward to a morning off and starting your day at 10am and your boss or a client calls you the night before and asks if you can come in at 8am. What do you do?
a) Pretend that you have another commitment and then feel guilty for telling a white lie.
b) Agree to start at 8am.
c) Say that you have planned for a quiet morning but are happy to do 8am the next day.
2. A new movie is out that you’re excited to see, and the person you’re dating, who you’re really into, wants to see a different movie that isn’t your type of genre. What do you do?
a) Arrange to see the movie with a different friend but wish that your date was with you.
b) Tell them you don’t mind seeing the movie of their choice but feel disappointed.
c) Let them know you’d like them to see the movie with you, even though it isn’t their thing, you’d be so happy if they’d go with you.
3. It’s your good friend’s birthday, but it’s at an expensive restaurant, and you know it’s going to be a big check and you want to stick within your budget. What do you do?
a) Say you’d love to be there to celebrate but you’re not feeling great and eat dinner at home.
b) Go to the dinner and feel anxious most of the night and spend over your budget because other people have ordered lots of drinks and you only got an appetizer.
c) Tell them you’re on a budget and would like to get a separate check and have a great night celebrating.
Mostly A’s: You take care of yourself but it doesn’t feel good. You are being out of integrity with your needs. It’s time to build courage in being honest about what you want and letting the other person know that you care about them to.
Mostly B’s: You are being a doormat. You probably know that. You see yourself saying, “Yes,” when you want to say, “No,” but it’s like you can’t help yourself. This means you have some deep buried mindset patterns that need to be acknowledged and healed.
Mostly C’s: Congratulations! You have good self-esteem. You are true to yourself and create win-win situations in most of your relationships. This doesn’t mean it is easy for you, but the more you practice, the better you will feel about yourself and set a great example for others.
I’d love to hear what insights you got about yourself from the quiz.
Love & miracles,
Joanna Garzilli
Lisa Ekanger Your Hometown Realtor!

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